Monday, March 19, 2007

Student apologizes for Holocaust

In light of the state of Virginia apologizing for slavery, and the fact that the movie 300 has upset modern Iranians (because of its portrayal of ancient Persians as "barbaric"), I've realized that I need to apologize to members of the Jewish community for the Holocaust. Yes, I know that my German ancestors (and ancestrices) left that country long before either World War. But who knows? Maybe some of their relatives were involved in the Nazi party at some level. At the very least, they had the gall to exist in Germany during the War, so one can only imagine what manner of horrors might have happened within 100 or so miles of them.

So, here it is: I formally apologize to all Jews for the Holocaust. I hope that makes things better.

I probably ought to apologize for the Crusades while I'm at it, despite the fact that I'm no longer a Catholic. I mean, better safe than offensive, right?

I'll have to get started on a comprehensive catalog of the horrors done by the British Empire (for the British part of my heritage) and anything else the Germans might have done in, oh, the past 10,000 years. I wonder if that includes the Germanic tribes that invaded the British Isles ... oh, shit. I now need to apologize to myself. Fuck.

Then again, how many of you owe me an apology for your ancestors' actions against mine? Money would be nice, too. It would really alleviate my mental anguish.

I'm waiting....

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