"Family Discount"

So I'm talking to one of my classmates (I'll call her LB) about jobs, and money, etc. And she commented that I could always sell my body. I said, "Nobody's gonna take that for free, why would they pay for it?" The conversation rapidly devolved (by "rapidly" I mean in about 0.4 seconds) to "I keep sending out invoices, but nobody is paying me! Quantity: 2. Item: Blow Job: Price per unit: $6.99." "$6.99? That's cheap." "I was having a sale. Two for the price of one." And then she crosses a couple of lines, minutes (seriously, entire minutes - if you know me, you're surprised by this) before I got there: "Family discount."

Another planet we can exploit?

Scientists found a planet that might be habitable. This is good news, cuz once this one is no longer habitable (for us, at least) we might have a place to go!

Bill O'Reilly being Bill O'Reilly

Richard Dawkins was talked over by Bill O'Reilly recently. (Yeah, I know the title of the video is "Bill O'Reilly Interviews Richard Dawkins," but that implies that he allows the man to express his ideas fully and doesn't repeatedly cut him off to say, "You're wrong.") It's appalling, really, that a man so bereft of anything approaching intellect would be have so much notoriety, but not surprising, especially on Fox News, which is analogous to a brain tumor, minus the fun (although an imagined "War on Christmas" probably ranks up there with the best tumor-induced hallucinations). I'm a little surprised that Dawkins would bother to acknowledge O'Reilly. Seriously, there's no point talking to a box of rocks, is there?

CNN sucks, Part II

I also meant to mention: I went over to cnn.com, and they must have some good writers working on headlines. Here is a selection of what I found under Top Stories:

Prof fired after re-enacting Tech killings
Students attend first integrated prom
Bush Sr.: "Bush Fatigue" setting in
Was driver in Corzine crash distracted by love?

I am intrigued by the concept of an "integrated" prom. If this was 1964, I'd assume it was a black-white thing. At this point, I can only guess what it might mean. As for that Corzine crash? No clue what that means or who was involved.

This is me, being relatively disconnected from the world around me.

And based on what passes for news, I guess I'm not missing much.

**UPDATE**
I've now viewed the intriguing news items in question. Here's a brief synopsis:

Prof fired after re-enacting Tech killings: Apparently, it's not okay to (a) say things like, "More soldiers will die this week in Iraq than died at Virginia Tech" and "More people will die of AIDS today, in the United States alone, than died at Virginia Tech," and (b) walk around the classroom using a marker to point at students and say "Bang."

Students attend schools first integrated prom: First, let me say, it's in Georgia, so I guess it's no surprise that 2007 marks the first time that black and white students attend the same prom at Turner County High School. Second, let me say: WTF? Oh, never mind, it's just the south. Apparently, it's been traditional that parents arranged separate dances. This year, the students decided to not be ridiculous. The funny thing is that some parents wouldn't allow their kids to attend. This just reminds me how far we have to go, and is slightly disappointing. The idea of a world integrated, without idiotic dogma dividing people into arbitrary groups - I'm guessing that world is still at least 1000 years away. That's just a guess. Thaw me out, though, when it happens, & if it's 3006 or earlier, I'll pay someone a handsome prize for proving me wrong.

Bush Sr.: "Bush fatigue" setting in: Really, who cares? It was a Larry King interview for chrissakes. Talk about a waste of time.

Was driver in Corzine crash distracted by love?: Ahh, New Jersey governor. Alleged affair, text messaging while driving 91 mph, blah blah who cares. Really.

CNN sucks

As you may know (or at least you will in about .8 seconds), I don't see much TV these days. So why, when I get a chance to see something, does it have to be something as mind-numbingly stupid as CNN? I ran over to a pizza place a bit ago to grab a quick bite to eat. The TV was on, but the volume was low, & that's probably a good thing. Paula Zahn, who must be CNN's answer to the brain-sucking parasites of Omicron Persei 8, is talking to some kid who put his cell phone number on YouTube, then got 9,000 phone calls, then got to be interviewed by Paula Zahn on CNN. Apparently, this is news. The fun part was reading their news ticker at the bottom of the screen. McNews Bites(TM) mentioned the latest count of troop fatalities in Iraq, the day's stock market activity, and the death of Boris Yeltsin. But the real news was happening when, every 48 seconds or so, this dumbass kid interrupted a woman who is sure to become the next Barbara Walters to answer his phone. God only knows what people had to say to him. Well, god and anyone whose volume was turned up.

So I got to thinking: Why can't I be on CNN talking to Paula Zahn? (Truth be told, I should request Wolf Blitzer, just cuz his name is so freakin' awesome.) Then, "How would I go about getting on CNN? Putting my cell phone number on YouTube is SO passé." I imagine it wouldn't be too hard to get their attention. Hey, maybe I could drum up some money in the process. Hmm... Maybe I should start a blog just for that whole thing. I'll call it ... Secret Plan No. 29, or maybe "Paula Zahn Won't Interview No Something Something."

Fun video

Cirque du Soleil!

Is this for real? Part II

I was checking out the Tolerability Index over at the Hater. When I saw the item "The National Texting Championship," I was certain they were making stuff up. Seriously, this has to be a joke, right? Umm... no, it's for real. I don't like to be one of those pretentious holier-than-thou dorks who says things like, "I weep for the future" or such, but really, WTF? This is an actual "event"???

Is this for real?

I recently (ok, a week ago) received an email from Barnes & Noble .com with the subject line "As Featured Today on Oprah: Scam Proof Your Life." Is this really appropriate, given that she's pushing this "The Secret" bullshit? Discuss.

MySpace sucks?

Part of me left an awesome blog entry over at MySpace. I decided to peruse the FAQ, to see how helpful it was.

I'm not sure it's helpful, but it sure is hilarious.

Category 1: Artist/Band Questions.
Questions include:
How do I become a featured artist?
Someone is pretending to be my band, what do I do? (complete with comma splice)
What is a "copyright"?

Another fun category: Media Inquiry.
"How do I remove my child's profile from MySpace.com?" seems misplaced here. Fortunately, if you're looking by category, you can also find it under "Other." The answer is wonderful: "Please work with your child to remove the account." It also includes this gem: "If you do not receive the confirmation email, please remove all content from your child's profile, and enter in the text 'Remove Profile' in the 'About Me'. This lets us know that you have taken control of your child's account."

How about "How do we remove an imposter profile for a teacher/faculty member?"

Or: "I'm a journalist and I want to talk to someone at MySpace. Who can I contact?"
The answer reads like a customer service script: "Thank you for your MySpace media inquiry. We want to do our best to meet any pressing deadlines you may have. Please dial the MySpace media line at (800) 905-9324 in order to leave your full contact information, brief story overview and deadline. Again, thank you for your inquiry and we'll speak to you soon. Any non-media inquiries will not receive a response."

Lots of questions relate to harassment and abuse. *YAWN*

My favorite: "Why is my Profile page suddenly messed up? It has music, sound or strange graphics on it?" The last line of the answer is the best: "We strongly encourage you to attempt to resolve these issues yourself using the above solutions." Which sounds like total assholery, but then when you think about it, if the profile is effed up, it's probably luser error, so the "technical group" wouldn't be able to fix it anyway.

Grrr, pt 2: The Resolutioning

So that web site that was giving me trouble yesterday, a couple posts back? Yeah. Turns out the data can't be processed over a wireless connection. Don't ask me why. But a classmate had a similar problem, then tried it on a computer in the lab, & it worked just fine. So I went to the computer lab, and voila! I'm in maps up to my armpits!

M. L. A.

Ok, so I realized that the acronym* for Modern Language Association (MLA) is the same as that for my current course of study (Master of Landscape Architecture). So I wondered to myself, "What other things might these friendly letters denote?"

Some selections from http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com:
Medical Library Association
MAC (Media Access Controller) Layer Address (shouldn't this be MACLA?)
Mac Liberation Army ("Free the iBook 5!")
Maine Lobstermen's Association (I'm getting a visual here - something from a 1950s sci-fi movie)
Malta, Malta - Luqa (Airport Code)
Maryland Library Association
Massachusetts Library Association
Massachusetts Lobstermen's Association (I wonder if they fight with the guys in Maine. And why doesn't Maryland have Lobstermen's Association?)
Master Lease Agreement
Meat and Livestock Australia
Medium Lift Alternative
Mercury Laser Altimeter
Michigan Library Association (Can Yoopers read? These would be the folks to ask. ;-))
Microlight Aircraft
Microprocessor Language Assembler
Microwave Link Analyzer
Mid-America Lumbermen's Association (Why not MALA?)
Militaire Luchtvaart Autoriteit
Military Legislative Assistant AND Military Liaison Assistant
Minimum Look Angle (I didn't see Maximum Look Angle up there... hmmm)
Minnesota Lake Association
Minnesota Library Association (but not Minnesota Lobstermen's Association)
Missouri Library Association (Okay, now I think they're just making stuff up - although there wasn't a Mississippi Library Association - I mean, if you're going for absurd, why stop halfway?)
Multi-Letter Acronym (careful.... recursion can make your head a splode)
Music Library Association
Muzzle Loading Association, Inc.

*If I wanted to be a dick, I could distinguish between "acronym" and "initialism." But as noted in a previous post, I am not much prone to prescriptivism these days.

Sweet, life-giving MLA citations

It's been acknowledged and widely recognized that I'm a nerd. I'm good with that. No problems there. But every once in a while, I wonder if I'm more nerdy than usual - perhaps a new breed of super-nerd, with powers beyond the fathoming of mere mortals.

So I'm writing up a short summary of some readings for one of my classes (I've finished the hardest of them; the other two should be easy). I'm putting together a bibliography, as one does, and realized how enjoyable it is to do that. I don't know what exactly makes it enjoyable. Is it the ordering of disparate sources into a brief list? The selection of certain pieces of information about the work that do not tell us anything about the content (beyond what we can infer from the title), and yet give us everything we need to locate the work? I don't know. It's odd, but after putting all three of them on the list, I had a feeling of more than just accomplishing one part of a larger task. I was filled with a momentary serenity, a sense that all was right with the world.

Grrr...

So I'm supposed to write a paper & do some arcane statistical analysis on racial and class segregation in Las Vegas from 1970 to 2000. I'm given (by the TA) a web site to go whence I might obtain necessary maps. So I follow the directions (oddly enough) and receive the following message:

Unable to display MapService
[ERR0924] Requested image is too big and cannot be created.

This is our third paper in this class, and so far all three have involved a technological fustercluck. It may be too much to ask why, although I could speculate that it's due to Jupiter being in retrograde opposition to the 12th House of Pluto. I've sent notes to the TA and to the web site about this, so we'll see what the haps be.

What makes today better than other Fridays?

Why do they call it "Good" Friday? Does this imply that there's a corresponding "Bad" Friday? When is that, exactly? Friday the 13th? What if Good Friday falls on the 13th? Does it become Neutral Friday? If there's a Good Friday, is there also a Better Friday, and a Best Friday?

Even more confusing is the whole meat thing. If I'm already going to burn in hell for eternity, does it really matter if I eat part of a dead cow on this specific day? And why is fish not meat? It's a fleshy part of an animal. Just because the animal breathes through gills, that makes it something other than meat? If so, what exactly is it? As far as I know, it's not a vegetable, a fruit, or a grain. Where does it go in the food pyramid? What about dolphin? Is that meat? It's not a fish, so I can only assume it's meat. Of course, when the rules were made up, they maybe didn't know that dolphins were mammals, so maybe dolphin is okay too. I hope so, cuz I love me some dolphin on a bun.