Bizarro world

I just looked at Lady With A Hat in Internet Exploder. It hurts me to say this, but I actually like the appearance better in IE than in Firefox. There's just something about the way the font is rendered that is nicer. Here's a visual, to save you the trouble of loading the page in both browsers.

Firefox:


Interxploder:

Hyphenation? Yes, please!

If you were writing a longish paper (say 14 pages) in Microsoft Word(TM), and wanted to automatically hyphenate the whole document so that the right-hand side of the text would look less ragged, how would you do it?

Would you look under Edit? Hmmm, nothing there looks promising. No, probably Format, since that's what I'm doing - I'm trying to format the appearance of the document. Let's see... no Hyphenation item there, but let's try Paragraph. That would make sense - I mean, that's where I'd go to determine line justification, line spacing, indentation, and so forth. Hmm. Gee, I don't see anything here about hyphenation.

Hrmph. What about Tools? Let's see here.... Spelling and Grammar, Research, Language, ... Track Changes, Protect Document, Online Collaboration, ... Macros, ... Customize, Options. Well, let's try those last two, just for shits.

Customize... Toolbars, Commands, Options - yeah, these are for customizing the interface, not for working with the document. What about Options (from the Tools menu, not from the Customize dialog box).... Oh my! All these tabs! Let's see... we've got View, General, Edit, Print, Save, ... Compatibility, Spelling and Grammar... Yeah, this is no good. It's just more interface customization options.

Hey - maybe Page Setup... (humming tunelessly to self) File > Page Setup. We've got Margins, Paper, Layout. Let's see... I can turn the paper sideways, but that's not what I'm looking for -- ooh! I wonder how many pages I'd end up with that way? Still 14. Boooooring. Okay, let's look at this again. Headers and footers... nope, that's taken care of.

Well dammit, now I'm going to have to use the "Help."

(doo-de-doo....) <F1>, Search for hyphenation. .... (It's searching Microsoft Office Online - this'll take a minute).... (humming Taking Care of Business) Did you hear we're in a flood watch toni---- oh there it is. We've got "About Hyphenation," "Insert a nonbreaking hyphen" (I wonder if there should be one in "nonbreaking"?), ... Here we go: "Hyphenate text."

Huh - I can "Automatically hyphenate all of a document" or "Automatically hyphenate part of a document." I'd like "all," please.

(Mouthing words while reading text, muttering softly)... Tools menu... Language - What? I was just there! Okay, what next? Tools > Language > Hyphenation. Select Automatically hyphenate document. Well, there we go. Ooh, I can Limit the number of consecutive hyphens, set the "Hyphenation zone" ... I wonder if that's like that danger zone? ... I can even Hyphenate words in CAPS! That's silly. Why would a word be wearing a cap?

Well, that's taken care of then. Although I don't understand why Hyphenation is Language (hanging out with Set Language, Translate, and Thesaurus (thundering across the Jurassic plain...)).

Wait, I didn't see anything in there about hyphenating part of a document.... Let's see what the "Help" says about that.

(Mumbling) Select the text you don't want to -- wait. The first step under "Automatically hyphenate part of a document" is "Select the text you don't want to hyphenate"? This is getting more confusing by the minute. Okay, select the text... then Format > Paragraph > Line and Page Breaks... oh, there's a check box for Don't hyphenate. Well, THAT makes a lot of sense. I have to tell it to automatically hyphenate the whole document, and then I not hyphenate the rest of the document, then the part of the document that I want to hyphenate will be hyphenated.

Dammit, now I need a drink.

Is that "I" as in "International," or "l" as in "clam"?

A while back I mentioned this blog dedicated to the inappropriate use of the lowercase "L". Today I went to Ask.com and entered the search term "CIAM" - an acronym for Congres Internationaux d'Architecture Moderne (or, auf Englisch: the International Congress of Modern Architecture).

Ask.com has done a lot of advertising lately (some creepier than others - does anyone else think those Kato Kaelin impersonators look like the kid from Mask?) touting their algorithm that helps you precisify your search to find exactly what you're looking for. My question is this: What do "Clam Chowder" and "Clam Anatomy" have to do with the cold, dehumanizing steel and glass of Modernist architecture?

What the HEll?

An interesting blog I found today. I've noticed the lowercase-L phenomenon before, but this blog is collects samples of all kinds, and has some pretty hilarious examples.

There's also a link to a blog addressing my biggest pet peeve, apostrophe abuse.

I expect accusations of grammar-policing, and can only defend myself by saying that pet peeves, like phobias, are not rational.