"Family Discount"

So I'm talking to one of my classmates (I'll call her LB) about jobs, and money, etc. And she commented that I could always sell my body. I said, "Nobody's gonna take that for free, why would they pay for it?" The conversation rapidly devolved (by "rapidly" I mean in about 0.4 seconds) to "I keep sending out invoices, but nobody is paying me! Quantity: 2. Item: Blow Job: Price per unit: $6.99." "$6.99? That's cheap." "I was having a sale. Two for the price of one." And then she crosses a couple of lines, minutes (seriously, entire minutes - if you know me, you're surprised by this) before I got there: "Family discount."

Another planet we can exploit?

Scientists found a planet that might be habitable. This is good news, cuz once this one is no longer habitable (for us, at least) we might have a place to go!

Bill O'Reilly being Bill O'Reilly

Richard Dawkins was talked over by Bill O'Reilly recently. (Yeah, I know the title of the video is "Bill O'Reilly Interviews Richard Dawkins," but that implies that he allows the man to express his ideas fully and doesn't repeatedly cut him off to say, "You're wrong.") It's appalling, really, that a man so bereft of anything approaching intellect would be have so much notoriety, but not surprising, especially on Fox News, which is analogous to a brain tumor, minus the fun (although an imagined "War on Christmas" probably ranks up there with the best tumor-induced hallucinations). I'm a little surprised that Dawkins would bother to acknowledge O'Reilly. Seriously, there's no point talking to a box of rocks, is there?

CNN sucks, Part II

I also meant to mention: I went over to cnn.com, and they must have some good writers working on headlines. Here is a selection of what I found under Top Stories:

Prof fired after re-enacting Tech killings
Students attend first integrated prom
Bush Sr.: "Bush Fatigue" setting in
Was driver in Corzine crash distracted by love?

I am intrigued by the concept of an "integrated" prom. If this was 1964, I'd assume it was a black-white thing. At this point, I can only guess what it might mean. As for that Corzine crash? No clue what that means or who was involved.

This is me, being relatively disconnected from the world around me.

And based on what passes for news, I guess I'm not missing much.

**UPDATE**
I've now viewed the intriguing news items in question. Here's a brief synopsis:

Prof fired after re-enacting Tech killings: Apparently, it's not okay to (a) say things like, "More soldiers will die this week in Iraq than died at Virginia Tech" and "More people will die of AIDS today, in the United States alone, than died at Virginia Tech," and (b) walk around the classroom using a marker to point at students and say "Bang."

Students attend schools first integrated prom: First, let me say, it's in Georgia, so I guess it's no surprise that 2007 marks the first time that black and white students attend the same prom at Turner County High School. Second, let me say: WTF? Oh, never mind, it's just the south. Apparently, it's been traditional that parents arranged separate dances. This year, the students decided to not be ridiculous. The funny thing is that some parents wouldn't allow their kids to attend. This just reminds me how far we have to go, and is slightly disappointing. The idea of a world integrated, without idiotic dogma dividing people into arbitrary groups - I'm guessing that world is still at least 1000 years away. That's just a guess. Thaw me out, though, when it happens, & if it's 3006 or earlier, I'll pay someone a handsome prize for proving me wrong.

Bush Sr.: "Bush fatigue" setting in: Really, who cares? It was a Larry King interview for chrissakes. Talk about a waste of time.

Was driver in Corzine crash distracted by love?: Ahh, New Jersey governor. Alleged affair, text messaging while driving 91 mph, blah blah who cares. Really.

CNN sucks

As you may know (or at least you will in about .8 seconds), I don't see much TV these days. So why, when I get a chance to see something, does it have to be something as mind-numbingly stupid as CNN? I ran over to a pizza place a bit ago to grab a quick bite to eat. The TV was on, but the volume was low, & that's probably a good thing. Paula Zahn, who must be CNN's answer to the brain-sucking parasites of Omicron Persei 8, is talking to some kid who put his cell phone number on YouTube, then got 9,000 phone calls, then got to be interviewed by Paula Zahn on CNN. Apparently, this is news. The fun part was reading their news ticker at the bottom of the screen. McNews Bites(TM) mentioned the latest count of troop fatalities in Iraq, the day's stock market activity, and the death of Boris Yeltsin. But the real news was happening when, every 48 seconds or so, this dumbass kid interrupted a woman who is sure to become the next Barbara Walters to answer his phone. God only knows what people had to say to him. Well, god and anyone whose volume was turned up.

So I got to thinking: Why can't I be on CNN talking to Paula Zahn? (Truth be told, I should request Wolf Blitzer, just cuz his name is so freakin' awesome.) Then, "How would I go about getting on CNN? Putting my cell phone number on YouTube is SO passé." I imagine it wouldn't be too hard to get their attention. Hey, maybe I could drum up some money in the process. Hmm... Maybe I should start a blog just for that whole thing. I'll call it ... Secret Plan No. 29, or maybe "Paula Zahn Won't Interview No Something Something."

Fun video

Cirque du Soleil!

Is this for real? Part II

I was checking out the Tolerability Index over at the Hater. When I saw the item "The National Texting Championship," I was certain they were making stuff up. Seriously, this has to be a joke, right? Umm... no, it's for real. I don't like to be one of those pretentious holier-than-thou dorks who says things like, "I weep for the future" or such, but really, WTF? This is an actual "event"???

Is this for real?

I recently (ok, a week ago) received an email from Barnes & Noble .com with the subject line "As Featured Today on Oprah: Scam Proof Your Life." Is this really appropriate, given that she's pushing this "The Secret" bullshit? Discuss.

MySpace sucks?

Part of me left an awesome blog entry over at MySpace. I decided to peruse the FAQ, to see how helpful it was.

I'm not sure it's helpful, but it sure is hilarious.

Category 1: Artist/Band Questions.
Questions include:
How do I become a featured artist?
Someone is pretending to be my band, what do I do? (complete with comma splice)
What is a "copyright"?

Another fun category: Media Inquiry.
"How do I remove my child's profile from MySpace.com?" seems misplaced here. Fortunately, if you're looking by category, you can also find it under "Other." The answer is wonderful: "Please work with your child to remove the account." It also includes this gem: "If you do not receive the confirmation email, please remove all content from your child's profile, and enter in the text 'Remove Profile' in the 'About Me'. This lets us know that you have taken control of your child's account."

How about "How do we remove an imposter profile for a teacher/faculty member?"

Or: "I'm a journalist and I want to talk to someone at MySpace. Who can I contact?"
The answer reads like a customer service script: "Thank you for your MySpace media inquiry. We want to do our best to meet any pressing deadlines you may have. Please dial the MySpace media line at (800) 905-9324 in order to leave your full contact information, brief story overview and deadline. Again, thank you for your inquiry and we'll speak to you soon. Any non-media inquiries will not receive a response."

Lots of questions relate to harassment and abuse. *YAWN*

My favorite: "Why is my Profile page suddenly messed up? It has music, sound or strange graphics on it?" The last line of the answer is the best: "We strongly encourage you to attempt to resolve these issues yourself using the above solutions." Which sounds like total assholery, but then when you think about it, if the profile is effed up, it's probably luser error, so the "technical group" wouldn't be able to fix it anyway.

Grrr, pt 2: The Resolutioning

So that web site that was giving me trouble yesterday, a couple posts back? Yeah. Turns out the data can't be processed over a wireless connection. Don't ask me why. But a classmate had a similar problem, then tried it on a computer in the lab, & it worked just fine. So I went to the computer lab, and voila! I'm in maps up to my armpits!