Lady with a hat

Moving Sale! Everything Must Go!

2008-10-21T00:01:00.003-05:00

I've decided to transfer this blog over to wordpress. Check me out at my new home.

Electoral ponderings

2008-10-13T18:38:00.003-05:00

For the past few days I've been checking Electoral-vote.com to keep up on the latest polls in the presidential race. The site offers downloadable polling data of ALL the polls to date for each state, or just the most recent data (basically, the average of the most recent poll plus any other polls in the previous 7 days). I was looking around at this data, and noticed something interesting: If Obama takes all of the states currently rated as "Strong Dem" and "Weak Dem," he wins the election with 282 electoral votes. This does not include the states the are considered up for grabs as of today - basically, those where there is a statistical tie (where one candidate leads the other by less than twice the margin of error). These include Colorado, Florida, Indiana, Missouri, Nevada, North Carolina, North Dakota, and Ohio.

Now, the North Dakota thing has got to be a fluke. The last previous poll was dated September 17th - nearly a month ago - so it's plausible that the balance has shifted. But for McCain to go from a 13-point lead to trailing by 2 points in a state that has gone Republican for every presidential election in recent history, and where Bush had near-30-point margins in 2000 and 2004? Either that poll is seriously flawed, or McCain is in more trouble than it seems.

But aside from that, even assuming McCain takes North Dakota, Obama doesn't need to win in Florida, Missouri, or Ohio - states that have been considered vital in previous elections. Unless, of course, something significant happens in the next three weeks.

It's okay to say "dick" except when you mean "penis"

2008-09-20T23:58:00.003-05:00

The other night on The Daily Show, John Stewart was talking about exchanging recipes for spotted dick with the British (or something - I wasn't completely paying attention). ANYway, he goes on to say "My recipe for spotted dick involves a Sharpie ... [pause] ... and my *beep*." To me, the funniest part about the whole thing wasn't the pun, but the fact that he'd said the word "dick" two or three times prior to that last one, and that was fine, but when he used it to mean "penis," the censors had to step in to protect us.

I wonder if a similar rule would apply to discussions about titmice? For instance, if one suggested that a titmouse is a mouse sitting on a *beep*. Huh. I guess it does.

xILF meme breaks the glass something

2008-09-05T15:49:00.003-05:00

Sarah Palin goes from HMILF to GILF, then shoots for VPILF status.

"Seriously funny"

2008-09-04T22:24:00.004-05:00

The Daily Show turns out to be a pretty decent news source. A study by the Project for Excellence in Journalism 'concludes that The Daily Show is a satire in the tradition of Art Buchwald and H.L. Mencken, and argues that it “performs a function that is close to journalistic in nature—getting people to think critically about the public square.”'

Politics roundupdate!

2008-09-04T17:10:00.006-05:00

The comparisons between the Republican presidential ticket and Battlestar Galactica are only just warming up.

John McCain is a Cylon (and here's one from March ... and two from January)
Vote Tigh/Roslin!

An awesome reason to not have a credit card

2008-09-04T00:42:00.002-05:00

Credit card companies will fuck you.

Politics roundup

2008-09-03T19:39:00.007-05:00

It's that time of year - the Republican convention over in St. Paul is winding down soon, and the Democrats took care of their nomination process in Denver last week. Of course my reader is wondering, "What does Lady With a Hat have to say about all this?"

One of my favorite nonsenses of the season has to do with those disaffected Hillary supporters who are threatening to vote for McCain. A handful showed up on the Daily Show last week to protest the selection of a black(ish) man over their beloved feminist icon as the Democrats' candidate of choice this year. A number of them indicated their disgust with being accused of racism for supporting a white woman over a man of color in the contest. Almost immediately afterward, they bicthed about the blatant sexism that pervaded the media coverage of the race for the Democratic nomination and ultimately prevented Hillary from getting the support she needed to secure the nomination. Is that irony? I don't know, but it looks like a textbook example of morony to me.

And then there's McCain's pick for running mate - and all the attendant "does he really have good enough judgment to be trusted in the Oval Office" talk (scattered throughout the 'b).

Sarah Palin is the 2nd female in history to make it to November as part of a presidential ticket (assuming she makes it that far). I don't know much about her, but what I've heard so far reminds me of Michelle Bachmann, who represents Minnesota's 6th District in the House of Reps. Bachman is a religious whackjob, and if Sarah Palin is anything like Michelle Bachmann, I'm a bit nervous about the prospect of her being so close to commander-in-chiefdom.

Speaking of Michelles, a piece in Slate carries the subtitle "Michelle Obama and Sarah Palin have more in common than you might think." My first thought was, "They both hate whitey?"

There's also the problem of Palin's 17-year-old pregnant, unwed daughter. Obama says the subject is off-limits (I can't find a source for this right now, but it's out there), but it's already in the open, and the father of the fetus is even joining the family at the Convention. And given the typical hypocrisy and "do as I say not as I do" attitude characteristics of religious wingnuts, one has to wonder What if Bristol Palin Were Black?

But I think my favorite piece on the whole Sarah Palin subject is this piece, which compares her to the character of Laura Roslin from Battlestar Galactica. Pointless, flimsy fluff? Definitely. But it's shiny and distracting, like a Cylon. Wait, if Palin=Roslin, does that mean that Cindy McCain is the mysterious 12th Cylon?

From the "I'm not surprised" department

2008-08-28T11:31:00.002-05:00

"Male enhancement"? Maybe he meant "Enhance the size of my certain part of the male body - the wallet."

Is that meat on your head, or are you just happy to see me?

2008-08-27T19:47:00.002-05:00

Meat Hats

TV make brain work not good

2008-07-25T00:18:00.001-05:00

TV > Autism?

Project tablecloth

2008-07-24T19:25:00.004-05:00

A new season of Project Runway started last week, and as much as I loathe "reality" TV, this is one program that has a good premise behind it. The difference between this and 99.9% of "reality" programming is that the contestants actually have to demonstrate some level of skill. The downside is the way the producers milk the "drama" aspect of the show. Seriously, they could cut it down to a 30-minute program if they got rid of the crap.

Anywho, I am just catching the first episode tonight, and Tim Gunn (the most awesome non-fiction person on TV) took the contestants to a grocery store to collect materials for their first competition. A ridiculous number of them picked up tablecloths, because apparently they completely missed the point of the competition, which is to be creative and innovative. It reminded me of the season 3 (I think) episode where the guy who used a bedsheet won - he DID make a very nice dress, but hello! It's a bedsheet - a big slab of fabric - and the guy who made the kickass dress out of coffee filters did not.

Foreclosure property, anyone?

2008-07-01T18:35:00.002-05:00

On a whim, I decided to look at real estate online. One place I looked was Craigslist, cuz it sometimes has funny things. Here is what I saw:

Energy News

2008-06-25T20:39:00.004-05:00

Biofuels bad:

Renewables gooder?

Oil is crazy

UK Science

2008-06-25T15:50:00.003-05:00

An article at Slate examines the fact that Brits are generally more up on science and technology than Americans. An interesting point is made in this paragraph:

Did I mention odd sex practices? The Brits can't get enough of them, yet they're wonderfully rational about it. The latest uproar is over first-cousin marriages in some immigrant communities (never mind that Charles Darwin did it, too). In contrast to the pious calls for prohibitive legislation that we'd surely have heard from Congress under similar circumstances, the British press actually looked at the genetics of cousin marriage. And the answer seems to be that education and genetic screening are a better way to go.

So basically,while Americans get their jeebus-themed undies in a moralistic bunch, the British explore the facts of the issue. Interesting concept, that: rational thought applied to a controversial issue.

"Every child is a blessing (except the gay ones)"

2008-06-19T18:09:00.003-05:00

I've seen a lot of pro-life billboards that claim "Every child is a blessing" and then show a kid with Downs syndrome. Based on comments from religious talking heads, apparently it's a gift from zombie jeebus if you have a retarded baby, but if you have a gay one, well, that's not so special. (I'm not going to privilege the actual religious whackjobs' websites with extra traffic, so you'll have to hunt them out on your own.)

301

2008-06-13T07:57:00.003-05:00

I just noticed that (1) it's been a little over a month since my last post and (2) that post was number 300. I figure I ought to have at least one entry each month, just to keep your attention, right?

I saw part of this "Alter Eco" program on one of the Discovery channels the other day, but couldn't stand the host. Then, yesterday, I ran across this piece in Slate about the latest Discovery channel spin-off, Planet Green. When I first saw ads for the network, I thought, "That seems potentially interesting, but also really pretentious." I think the best line in the Slate article is "I for one want to go out and kill a dolphin." If the author is looking to put together a crew to do so, this is my official request to join. I'll bring the harpoons!

I have so far avoided looking at any of the comments on the article. Mary & I have talked about the fact that everything on the internet apparently needs to be discussed by the unwashed masses, and I've decided it's in my best interest to ignore that discourse whenever possible. If I look, I might be tempted to contribute - and then who's the ass?

Oh no they di'int!

2008-05-02T23:27:00.003-05:00

Neat trick

2008-04-24T23:31:00.002-05:00

This video was created by overlaying 1000 plays of a racing video game, to show the range of possible play sequences all at once.

Home sweet Kwik Trip

2008-04-24T13:00:00.004-05:00

There's a Kwik Trip about two miles north of our place on 494. It's only the 2nd one I know of in the TC Metro - the other being down in Eagan or thereabouts. They're all over Rochester, and they have no-fee ATMs, so finding one so nearby was nice. What I didn't expect was that sort of nostalgic feeling one gets when experiencing a familiar comfort that one has lost. It kind of creeped me out at first, but then I just figured, wtf, I'll just roll with it.

What!?

2008-04-23T21:55:00.006-05:00

I'll be brief:
"UFO Hunters" on the History Channel (which has pretty much hit the same quality of programming the TLC achieved long ago)....
Two people, allegedly contacted by aliens.
One of them has a rare blood abnormality.
How can we prove that there's a connection between them, and therefore they really are being contacted by aliens?
... wait for it:
Blood tests for both. If both people have the same blood abnormality, BAM! Aliens are real, and they're visiting Earth to conduct anal probes.

Oh, and even better: Close the show with a reference to Voyager I.

And then, a program that opens with the following (I paraphrase):
The following program provides theories about an historical event that is shrouded in mystery. We use reenactments, dramatizations, and old tyme footage (can you tell which is which?) to provide information, and then you, the American public, with your 5th-grade education and your pear-sharp wit, can draw your own conclusions.

[EDIT]
I'd like to add that Stanton Friedman is one of the freakiest looking guys I've ever seen, and may serve as evidence of an alien-human hybrid operation.

[EDIT]

I'm trying to visualize...

2008-04-22T21:37:00.001-05:00

a Jehovah's Witness dressed up like a blood transfusion.

Seen on a t-shirt

2008-04-22T18:09:00.004-05:00

Saw a girl on campus yesterday wearing a t-shirt that said:

Don't make me think
it hurt's too much

Srsly.

Six word stories? Not so much.

2008-03-16T09:31:00.005-05:00

A while back, Wired asked a number of writers to follow in Hemingway's footsteps. (No, not with the suicide thing - besides, Abercrombie & Fitch doesn't sell guns anymore.) The backstory is included in the article, but I'll recap: Hemingway once wrote a six-word story ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn."), and according to legend claimed it was his best work. So Wired decided to see what other authors could do in six words, and asked for submissions from a variety of writers in the fields of sci-fi, horror, & fantasy.

I remember seeing this piece in Wired when it was originally published. It's interesting that very few of those submitted to Wired have the same power that Hemingway's piece does. Hemingway's example uses specific details to force the reader to imagine the story behind those six words, and creates characters for whom we can have some empathy. Thinking about the tragedy of a child's death and its impact on the prospective parents made me realize that as much as I don't really enjoy much of Hemingway's work, he clearly had talent. So many of the pieces submitted to Wired lacked that. Meretzky's "I win lottery. Sun goes nova." and Lee's "Automobile warranty expires. So does engine." generate a momentary chuckle, and Moore's "Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time" is clever, but so few of these offer that deeper meaning that Hemingway provided. Even the writers I love (Joss Whedon, Neil Gaiman, David Brin, Margaret Atwood) didn't quite get there, although I did enjoy "Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so."

Spluh

2008-03-14T22:32:00.003-05:00

So I haven't posted for a long time. A looooong time. Ages. As my readers know, Ben & I have moved. We are now living in Minnetonka, renting an apartment while we wait for our house in Rochester to sell. One of the most frustrating things about the apartment is that the bathroom has too many doors. Sounds weird, but trust me - there are too many.

Also annoying: The fridge has about two dozen little egg holders in the door. I've seen fridge's with them before, and never realized how useless they are until I'd gotten used to having functional space in the door.

In the history of refrigeration, nobody has EVER used those things. Who came up with that idea? Eggs are sold in containers. Why would I take them out of that container and put them in these stupid little cups? WTF?

What's the poop?

2008-02-09T15:43:00.000-06:00

No, really.

Mitt says the darndest things

2008-02-07T12:20:00.000-06:00

Mitt Romney is out of the running for the Republican presidential nomination. His rationale is that if he stays in, he would "forestall the launch of a national campaign and frankly I'd be makign it easier for Senator Clinton or Obama to win. Frankly, in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror."

Use our landfills, or we'll sue!

2008-01-31T09:19:00.001-06:00

More enviro news out of California. I heard the tail-end of this on "As It Happens" last night, so was intrigued to learn more. Eddie House of San Carlos, CA, has cancelled his trash collections service because he found that he could recycle or safely dispose of everything himself. Now the city is suing him, seeking a court order to make him not only reinstate weekly pick-ups, but also to reimburse the city for attorney and court fees. It doesn't get much dumber than this. Mr. House went so far as to propose bi-weekly collection as a compromise, but no, that wasn't good enough for the fat cats down in city hall.

I've been wondering myself for quite a while why we don't recycle more. At my house we have a huge trash can that, each week, goes to the curb accompanied by a much smaller bin for recyclables. Shouldn't it be the other way around? So much of the stuff we consider "trash" can be recycled - why not change "trash collection" into "recycling service." Shift the paradigm, people, and use the clutch! Even better, remove the onus of sorting from the customer - many a time I find myself wondering, can this go in the recycling? And as often as not, if I don't know, it goes to the trash. People are lazy, and there's empirical evidence that, when confronted with a decision and a shortage of information, people take the path of least resistance. Make it easier, and more people will do it.

Your dog drinks out of the toilet - why can't you?

2008-01-30T21:48:00.000-06:00

Orange County, California is setting up a facility to recycle sewage as drinking water. "Toilet-to-tap" sounds gross, but this actually happens in nature already. Treated effluent typically is released to places where it re-enters the global hydrological cycle, either through evaporation, percolation into groundwater storage, or returning to rivers and lakes. In many cases the water that comes out of sewage treatment plants is cleaner than the bodies of water it enters. The OC facility is not going to take freshly treated water and pump it right back into drinking water supplies, though. The output of the plant will be put into area riverbeds where it will infiltrate to the groundwater and join the existing sources of drinking water. The cycle will take, at the very least, several months if not years to complete, so sewage that enters the plant now isn't going to be coming to a faucet near you for quite a while.

An orgy of cross-posting!

2008-01-11T16:35:00.001-06:00

(Or, since Mel & I are the same person, would it be more like masturbation?)

She makes some excellent points about New Year's Resolutions. And, in the interest of repetitive redundancy, I'll repost some of my thoughts from the comment I left on her post.

I mentioned that I took to making lists of "to-dos" between semesters with the express purpose of not doing anything on the list. That made me wonder, maybe I should make anti-resolutions. It might include things like, "Do not buy every album released by Britney Spears and The Backstreet Boys."

Huckabee loses all remaining credibility

2008-01-11T14:37:00.000-06:00

First some backstory:

Mike Huckabee is seeking the Republican nomination for the 2008 Presidential election. As Ben commented, the man does have charisma. Sadly, he lacks any concept of reality: he doesn't accept the scientific validity of evolution, but rather accepts as fact the mythology that an the Christian god created the world blah blah blah. That alone is enough for him to fall off my radar.

But he's also been entertaining, particularly in his ongoing partnership with Stephen Colbert. On numerous occasions, he has confirmed his intent to name Mr. Colbert as his running mate if he receives the Republican nomination. Now, if you've seen the Colbert Report at all, you have some sense of what Mr. Huckabee got himself into. But last night, watching the rebroadcast of the Jan 9th, 2008 edition of the Colbert Report, you can actually see the moment the Huckabee goes from legitimate presidential candidate to farcical impersonation of a presidential candidate. Check out the video labeled "Stephen reunites with his running mate, Mike Huckabee." (I have to admit, I love the visual image of a pneumatic tube shooting illegal immigrants into Mexico.)

Despite the fact that I have significant readership, and that I have no history as a political prognosticator, I'm going to forecast that Huckabee has pretty much eliminated himself from the running (not that I'm complaining - we don't need another Jesus freak in the White House.)

Do people still actually make New Year's resolutions?

2008-01-09T10:51:00.000-06:00

I used to be one of those people who, when January 1st rolled around, would think, "What things can I set out to do this year?" Then I realized that putting together a list of resolutions or goals for the year is silly, because I'm going to forget them within a week anyway. I could write them down, but then I'd have to carry around a ratty piece of paper for 365 days. How inconvenient!

I realize that 2008 is well into its second week already, but I'm wondering - does anybody out there still make New Year's resolutions? If so, what have you set as your targets for 2008?

In the interest of playing fair, here are a few items that I might put on such a list if I were inclined to do so, and if I actually thought I'd follow through on them:

- Finish school (Actually, I will be doing this one, whether I like it or not, so it doesn't necessarily fit here. But it is something I'll be spending considerable effort on for the next 4 and a half months.)
- Get a job (see comment on previous item)
- Lose weight (Yeah, I know - I could stand to lose a few pounds, but I don't really see myself putting much energy into this right now.)
- Read more (aside from what is assigned in classes)
- Write (see previous comment)
- Draw/paint (see previous comment)
- Travel

Ack!

2008-01-08T13:25:00.000-06:00

I searched Google for the phrase "lady with a hat" and although the first hit was fun, I noticed something more interesting near the bottom of that first page...

[edit]
FWIW: I had to get to page three of the search results before finding ladywithahat.com.
[/edit]

Life is horrible

2008-01-08T11:34:00.000-06:00

...but despair.com makes it fun!

I especially like this line: "Clothes make the man. These clothes make the man sad."
Need a 2008 calendar? Build your own!

Dear Jesus and the G.O.P.

2008-01-07T11:41:00.001-06:00

Here's a little story for my Xian and Republican friends.

Once upon a time there was a couple who'd been together for many years. We'll call them B1 and B2. In every respect but the legal one, you could say they were married. B1 decided to return to school for a graduate degree, and gave up gainful employment to do so. Naturally, this sacrifice of income was accompanied by a loss of health insurance benefits as well. Fortunately, B2 had a job that offered health insurance for both of them, and so all was well. B2's employer, however, was bought out by a company less inclined to offer insurance coverage to the euphemistically-termed "domestic partners" of a particular subset of their employees, but agreed to continue the coverage for employees who had received it in the past.

This situation went on until the final year of B1's education, when B2's employer decided that they would no longer pay any portion of the insurance premium for B1. While the opportunity still existed to receive coverage through the employer, the cost for B2 would increase by almost 400%. Seeking a more acceptable alternative, B1 decided to enroll in the school's insurance plan, which was much cheaper and offered good coverage. The catch was that for 21 days at the beginning of the calendar year, before the school term began, B1 would be without insurance. B1 ordered enough of the necessary prescriptions to remain sane until the new coverage kicked in, and carefully scheduled medical appointments after the 22nd day of the new year.

But this stop-gap measure would prove inadequate. On the 7th day of the new year, B1 received a letter, dated the last day of the previous year, indicating that B1 was not eligible to use the prescription drug service at the time the order was placed, 5 days before that year ended. B1 was confused - B2 had been paying the same premium for insurance coverage throughout the year. Why would coverage be terminated in the middle of the year, and why would they not have been notified? There was obviously an error, and although B1 anticipated a fight from the insurance company, it would not be difficult to rectify - or so B1 assumed.

As it turned out, B1's coverage had been terminated, according to the insurance company, on the first day of May in the previous year. This was ridiculous - B1 told the representative that claims had been paid and prescriptions filled through November, no questions asked. After putting B1 on hold, the representative returned to state that B2's employer had been slow turning in the paperwork to update their records - instead of notifying the insurance company in May, they waited until the 4th of December to do so. As a result, the insurance company continued to cover B1 up to the point that update was made, despite the fact that the employer didn't want B1 to receive benefits after April 30th.

My question for the Jesus-fucking Republicans out there is this: do you think that couples like B1 and B2, who are currently denied the right to legal recognition of their relationship, ought to receive the same treatment that legally married couples receive, vis-a-vis said relationships?

Answer carefully, and stay tuned to find out how this situation is resolved.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-04T22:55:00.000-06:00

I just realized that I've only made one post this year so far, and that was a "poll results" post. Man, I'm boring. To rectify the situation, here's a post where I wish all my "bitches" a happy and healthy 2008! (bitches!)

Poll results

2008-01-02T07:19:00.000-06:00

Q:
Do these shoes make my ass look fat?

A:
What ass? 0/5
Yes. Stop putting them in there. 2/5
No, they have no effect. 0/5
No, they make your ass look skinny. 0/5
No, your fat ass makes your ass look fat. 3/5

Money that lights up!

2007-12-29T00:29:00.000-06:00

There is nothing about this commercial that makes the remotest amount of sense. (The video is small, and the quality isn't great, but it's the script that matters - so listen carefully.)

Poll results

2007-12-21T12:03:00.000-06:00

Q:
...Do you appreciate dead baby jokes?
A:
...Yes, they isbe hilarious. 2/3
...Yes, in the proper context. 0/3
...Yes, if I'm drunk and/or high. 0/3
...No, but just because most of them aren't funny. 1/3
...No, that's disgusting, sick, and wrong! 0/3

It's funny because it's true (update!)

2007-12-19T22:06:00.000-06:00

I think this applies to me.

[edit]
Part of the reason that I thought this was so funny is that over the course of the past couple of weeks I've determined that I am, in fact, a dilettante in the general sense of the word. A dabbler. One who has a "broad but shallow attachment to any field." I know the word generally is taken in a negative sense nowadays, but it is, for better or worse, an accurate description of me based on my history. My next question is, what do I do with that realization?
[/edit]

It's not a get-rich-quick scheme, but guess what? I did!

2007-12-17T18:15:00.000-06:00

Anyone else think I should set up an eGRQ system?

SIR! Merry Xmas, SIR!

2007-12-17T16:15:00.001-06:00

Nutcrackers - of the old fashioned variety - are ugly and semi-creepy as it is, but at least they have some cultural significance. Then again, traditions change up with the times, right? With that in mind, I give you, courtesy of Target Corp:

Merry Xmas!

Poll results

2007-12-17T11:20:00.000-06:00

Yes, I know it's been a while, but I have an excuse. I think... anyhoo - to the business at hand:

Q: Which of these is NOT a tongue twister in Irish?

A:
(a) There is a chicken standing in the snow on a frosty day. (2/8, 25%)
(b) A black ox ate a raw egg in heaven. (2/8, 25%)
(c) The skunk rolled down the hill and ruptured its larynx. (4/8, 50%)
(d) Mary laughed shamelessly at the wake in Derry last year. (0/8, 0%)

The correct answer is (c), which, I'm told, is a tongue twister in a different language (though at present I don't remember which one).

Snickers marketing staff fails linguistics

2007-12-13T19:15:00.000-06:00

If you've had a Snickers(R) bar lately, you've noticed stupid words on the bottom of the wrapper. Words like peanutopolis, snicktastic, and satisfactionable. I may have made up two of those, but I found one with peanutopolis the other day. The inside of the wrapper includes a definition of the term, and this one revealed that peanutopolis means "a state of mind making you fell very strong and powerful, almost mayor-like." As a side-bar, this presumes that mayors are always strong and powerful. This assumption is false, but let's address the more glaring issue. "Peanutopolis" incorporates the suffix -opolis, meaning "city." So, "City of Peanuts" seems like a more appropriate definition. I can only assume that the word "snicktastic" might mean "tights worn by strippers in Hanoi."

The answer is "No."

2007-12-07T20:42:00.000-06:00

Here's the question.

False alarm - there is no god!

2007-12-07T13:59:00.000-06:00

Or, "I'm borderline retarded."

Cars don't start when they are in D. The short version of the story is: I was apparently so flustered by the not-rolling-down window thing that I put the car into the parking space, futzed a little more with the window, then turned the car off. The part I missed is shifting from D to P. So when I came back out and the car didn't start, it was my own fault.

I noticed when I was going to put the car into N for the tow guy that it was in D.

Yeah, I'm an idiot.

I was wrong - there apparently is a god

2007-12-06T23:39:00.000-06:00

There's at least one supernatural entity that can exert control over events in the world. There might be more than one, but I know with certainty that there's at least one. For the sake of convenience, I'll call it "god" and use the pronoun "he." Let me tell you a little bit about him.

He's an asshole, and he hates me. Actually, neither of those descriptors is adequate in degree to convey his level of assholery and his hatred for me. But, being supernatural and beyond our understanding, it stands to reason that he would exceed our understanding in every possible way.

It's been a shitty semester. Granted, much of the difficulty I've had is self-inflicted. I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say, I'm an idiot. So I've got four projects that are due by Wednesday. One of them I'm pretty well done with - I'll need to do a bit of a redraft, but it won't be more than an hour or two's work. The other three will require a lot more effort. I'm so far behind on my studio project that I'm not even sure I should bother trying to finish it. My capstone proposal book? I have a draft of the text, but no images ready, and nothing resembling a layout. I haven't even started reading the sources for my GIS paper - 8-10 pages, due next Tuesday. (Yeah, I know - I could be doing that right now, while I wait for the tow truck. Fuck off.)

So what happens tonight? Let's recap: I left the studio around 10:20, waited for a bus, and then got to my car, & started it. I was starving, so figured I'd grab a burger at the Dinkytown McDonalds. The first problem was the window - my drivers-side window wouldn't open. Must be frozen shut. Other windows open, just not that one. Well, that's annoying. I'll just park and go in to grab my food. Which I do. When I get back to the car, I turn the key. Fan starts blowing, radio comes on, lights light up, but the engine doesn't start. It doesn't even try. Looks like my starter is shot. Never mind that it worked just fine 5 minutes earlier. So there goes a couple hundred bucks. Nice.

Do I need this shit right now? I guess so. Apparently my life is too carefree. Fucking kill me.

This comes on the heels of a number of frustrations with technology. Long story short, Adobe can lick my shit-stained asscrack. Apparently they don't figure compatibility between versions of their products is an issue they need to worry about. I fucking hate those fuckwads, and their fucking shitfucking software.

Did I mention that god hates me? I'm not willing to accept that all of this shit happening to me is the result of random consequence. Fuck you, god. Eat shit and die.

Orientatatation

2007-11-27T17:36:00.000-06:00

When it comes to vernacular speech, I try to be pretty forgiving, but I still have some pet peeves - those things that really grind my gears for no good reason.

"Orientate" is one of those. Now have it come out of a loud-mouthed know-it-all grad student who likes to make sure the entire room knows how smart he is about transit development, and the grinding goes into high gear. "It's all automobile-orientated development." Blah blah blah shut up. Now cue the non-trad-grad who has loud conversations on her cell phone two seats away. I'm waiting for Mr. "That's an invasion of my privacy! I'm a single-issue voter!" to add his buck and a half. At least I've commandeered both of these outlets so that annoying kid who can't sort his digital photo collection during the lecture. Try as I might, it's really hard to focus on the professor when theres a constant flickering motion at the corner of my vision.

Least appropriate use of departmental email

2007-11-26T22:20:00.001-06:00

The nominees are .... yeah, I wish I had the time to come up with a shortlist, but it's a no-brainer: the winner is one of our department's admin personnel, who today emailed to the entire listserv a 7.5MB PDF advertising a house for rent in Roseville. Built in 1976, the 2,044 sf split-level home has been remodeled from top to bottom, and features "a HUGE eat-in kitchen," 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 2 fireplaces, and "a sunroom overlooking the in-ground pool." Every grad student should seriously consider paying $2,400 a month (plus utilities) for housing. Cuz, y'know, they have all that money and free time to entertain friends in their spacious back yard and pool.

MySpace Exec: "Facebook sucks, but we're going to copy them"

2007-11-26T20:06:00.000-06:00

Really.

Let them eat lead (paint)!

2007-11-26T12:46:00.000-06:00

Apparently, charities are having a tough time sorting through donated toys to find out which ones have been recalled. Why bother? They're just giving them to poor kids, and when it comes to measuring the value of a person to society, poor kids are in the low end. Why not just let them choke on small loose parts coated with lead?

But don't name your sports team after us!

2007-11-26T08:21:00.000-06:00

I totally appreciate the idea of a beauty pageant that involves meat. I love that the Miss Navajo Nation pageant embraces a broader range of skills than a typical pageant, where rubbing Vaseline on your teeth, talking about the Iraq, and dodging pepper spray are de rigueur. What I don't get is how this fits into the "don't use us as an icon of strength and physical prowess" attitude that pervades the anti-mascot crowd. I get that "they" don't want to be reduced to a one-dimensional caricature, but can't a mascot represent a particular dimension of your culture? I don't hear this much fuss about mascots based on European characters. The Fighting Irish are a classic example - and the concept of the drunken, pugilistic Irishman is pervasive with or without the mascot.

Here's a little test: write down everything, positive and negative, that comes to mind when you hear "Sioux," and again when you hear "Irish." I'm willing to bet that both terms are loaded with connotations both positive and negative. And I also bet that what comes to mind is unaffected by mascots.

Food Network has officially crossed the line

2007-11-24T22:31:00.000-06:00

Lately, Food Network has been getting on my nerves. For the longest time I enjoyed a number of their programs. Examples: on Good Eats, Alton Brown is brilliant - he makes every aspect of cooking entertaining and educational. Rachel Ray was cool when she was limited to 30-Minute Meals and $40 A Day. But then there was Paula Deen, whose accent alone is proof that evil incarnate can be embodied in sound. But hey, I don't need to watch what I don't like, right? Then they brought me the joy of Iron Chef America - corny, reasonably entertaining, and not too annoying (at first). If you're familiar with the program at all, you'll no doubt realize it's rapidly getting out of control, like a nuclear reactor sans inanimate carbon control rods. It's taking itself far too seriously. (And don't get me started on the new Iron Chef's Hibbertesque giggle.) And Rachel Ray appears to have been injected with huge quantities of "Yummo" (by Nabisco). I think she's trying to be like Martha Stewart, minus the stick up her ass.

One of their more recent "personalities" is this guy, whose appearance alone makes me change the channel. Seriously, step away from the peroxide, and no one gets hurt. During a commercial break, he helped out some poor schmuck whose cranberry sauce is apparently too tart. His prescription included the use of a Food Network skillet, available now at Kohl's. Did I mention that this "help the dork on the street" piece was interrupted by an ad for Food Network brand cookware, available only at Kohl's?

Where are you from?

2007-11-24T11:33:00.000-06:00

When someone asks you to name your "hometown," what is your answer? What about your "birthplace"? Assuming they are geographically different, do you differentiate the two semantically, and if so, how?

My Xmas wish list

2007-11-21T21:45:00.001-06:00

It would be nice if people would take seriously the issue of consumption. Adbusters has been trying to publicize the issue for years, and one of their classic anti-events is coming up this Friday. Yes, it's Buy Nothing Day, the day you avoid crowded malls and hyped-up bullshit. Another proposed activity is Buy Nothing Christmas. The site tells us: "Buy Nothing Christmas is not really about refusing to spend a dime over the holiday season. It’s about taking a deep breath and deciding to opt out of the hype‚ the overcrowded malls‚ and the stressful to–do lists. It’s about reminding ourselves to really think about what we are buying‚ why we are buying it‚ and whether we really need it at all."

This is an idea that I completely support, for a couple of reasons. First, I hate the shopping. Second, I hate trying to come up with ideas for what other people should by for me. Third, I have so much stuff already. A lot of the stuff I have - whether received as a gift or purchased by myself, sits around and never is used. Yet at the time, I "needed" it. Hell, I still find myself "needing" stuff, or just wanting things enough to say, "Fuckit, I'm buyin' that."

Simultaneously, I'm a huge fan of the bounty that capitalism has produced in this country. Apparently, I contain multitudes.

Now, a lot of people out there will argue that anti-consumerism is akin to communism, or is illogical (if I literally consume nothing, I'll die, for example), or is it's own form of hyped-up bullshit and or hypocrisy. And I'm not going to engage that, because it would be pointless. I think the biggest argument I can make is that it's not about anti-consumerism, but rather mindful consumerism. Think about your consumption and its consequences. It's not easy, but if we start paying attention, and teaching our kids to pay attention, maybe in a couple of generations people will find it easier to consume less. Assuming they aren't too busy fighting each other over puddles of filthy water.

Things inside of things, comics edition

2007-11-21T11:16:00.000-06:00

Ben pointed out that yesterday's Sally Forth addressed the phenomenon of engastration.

For the man (or post-op FTM) who has everything....

2007-11-20T23:39:00.000-06:00

The perfect gift idea. I guess the hand crocheted condoms didn't go over as well. I don't own anything that is "balck and white," so it would be a real rarity - in my wardrobe, at least. I've snagged a screenshot for those of you who aren't part of the Facebook, and for posterity - cuz I'm sure this will be snapped up by some savvy shopper before too long.

"You got peanut butter in my blog!" or "We're all one happy incestuous e-family!"

2007-11-20T23:05:00.000-06:00

Mel offers this post on words and identity, which brings me to an interesting related tangerine (a repurposing of the word by Mary's classmate Wes, meaning "a small tangent"):

Next semester, I'll be working on my capstone project (think "thesis" with 20% more pretension) on the future of the Ford assembly plant in St. Paul. I was thinking of asking James Lileks to drop by as a guest critic at some point during the semester. He's a former columnist at the Star Tribune, and now oversees their buzz.mn blog. (He's also, by birth at least, a fellow Nodakian.) His "regular" site has several pages on the topic of Urban Studies, and it might be interesting to get a perspective from someone who doesn't work in a so-called "design profession." So my question is, would doing so constitute an act of blogwhoring?

Greetings second-class citizen! Welcome to America!

2007-11-20T20:00:00.000-06:00

Ben will be posting more about this shortly (and I'll include a link when he does), but he found out today that his company decided that they'd make a tiny change to their benefits offerings this year. They no longer pay ANY of the premium for domestic partner coverage, leaving the entire cost (around $5K for the year) to the employee. Lucky for us, I can get coverage through the U for a lot less than that, and it looks like it'll be as good as what I'm getting now. Isn't it great that we live in a country where everyone is treated as equal, except for those of us who aren't?

Things inside of things

2007-11-20T16:33:00.000-06:00

Discussions in our studio often take odd turns, and today there was talk of fake meat (including the wonderfully named "Not Dog") and holiday traditions involving meat (or not, as the case may be). One classmate mentioned the turducken, a phenomenon some were not familiar with. If you're not aware of this, it's basically a chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turkey. I can only assume it is delicious. After a brief search for images on the interwebs, I found a web site that actually provides a name for the process of cramming birds into each other: engastration. I am hard pressed to believe that this word actually represents the process of stuffing only birds into birds (though all of my searches reveal that to be the only definition offered), and I wonder about other possible applications. For example, could you cram other animals into each other? Could you engastrate veal into a regular cow? What about interspecies engastration? One site described a sausage-stuffed turducken. Another described how to build an "Easter turducken" using items from the Refined Sugar food group. Could a stuffed pepper be considered engastrated? What about Russian dolls? Would they be an example of non-edible hierarchical engastration?

Remind me again why I hate Windows

2007-11-19T11:58:00.000-06:00

No thanks, my lappy is doing so on a regular basis.

Monday, shitty Monday

2007-11-19T09:28:00.000-06:00

U2 could have made a different song with that name, but I guess it wouldn't have been as political or whatever, and Bono might never have had the chance to use starving/diseased people in Africa to illustrate what a great human being he is.

Anyway, just a brief couple of notes, for the fun.
Saw a guy on the bus this morning who dressed like he was trying to be ALL of Run DMC - the hat, the coat, far more jewelry than any one person should own, let alone wear at once. He was on the one side of the back seat of the bus, and I was on the other. I had my phone out to check messages (Ben had called & left a message mere moments earlier) and find out about rescheduling my dental appointments. Dude looks at me and makes some comment about "knockin' [me] out" (perhaps at the suggestion of his mother) if I point my camera at him. WTF? If you dress like a carnival sideshow, you ought be be less self-conscious about it.

Earlier this a.m., one of my dental crowns came off. This is the same one that came off earlier this year, and then was re-attached by the dentist, who later (at my semi-annual checkup) noticed in the x-ray picture that the crown wasn't sitting properly, and would need to be removed and reset. Well, I've saved them the trouble of removing it, I guess.

Today in studio we have an "intermediate review" of our progress thus far. I haven't made any progress in the past couple of weeks, and I'm officially a fruitbasketcase right now, so I'm not looking forward to this. I guess on the plus side, I'm not going to go into the review with any delusions that I've done a good job. So when they tear me a new one, it won't catch me by surprise.

Speaking of which, I guess I'd better get to work on that.

Blogwhore?

2007-11-17T21:40:00.000-06:00

Mel and I wonder if there's a word for "one who attempts to get mentioned in others' blogs so that they can mention those references in their own blog." Any suggestions?

UPDATE: I just realized that I forgot to include the link that makes the whole thing pointful. Cuz that was me, with the question and stuff.

Long time no post (again)

2007-11-17T19:59:00.000-06:00

Anyone who would like to offer congrats on me ending this 11-day gap in posts, here's a suggested method. It's been a while (school does that to ya). What's new with me, then? Mostly school - hell, what am I saying? I've done nothing but school. Spent a weekend in Seattle recently, which was fun. Got some photos, saw some stuff. I found that it's a really easy city to navigate, and has a radically different feel from New York. In many ways I like NYC better, but Seattle is a much younger city, more open, more "hip." I could live in either one, but I don't know that I'd make it in NYC longer than 3 or 4 years. I could see myself in the Seattle area for the long term. Ben has applied for a job in Kent, which is a bit south of the SeaTac airport. Fortunately, I already know which bus route runs between Kent and downtown Seattle.

Postcard from Bizarro World

2007-11-06T10:55:00.000-06:00

Hi all, having a great time. Installed MS Office 2007, and am loving it! The new interface is quite a bit different, but pretty intuitive and (gasp!) easy to use. If Vista is this much better than XP, they may give Apple a run for their money. Word to your mother!
XOXO
B

First blog with the new lappy

2007-11-04T12:09:00.000-06:00

My first entry from the new lappy, whom I've dubbed "Smurfette."

Time for a rant: So I'm looking at maybe upgrading from Adobe Creative Suite 2 (hereafter referred to as "CS2") to CS3. CS3 has some spiffy new featureness and functionality, but of course it's pricey. There are actually a variety of CS3 packages available that combine different programs for different user groups. There's a "Design" package, a "Web" package, and a "Production" package, and each is available in both "Standard" and "Premium" editions. The Premium edition adds a couple extra bells/whistles. If you want to go whole hog, you can also splurge for the "Master Collection," which bundles pretty much everything. After looking through the options, I determined that my needs are perfectly met by the Design Standard package. It's got precisely what I need - nothing more, nothing less.

So, I should upgrade, rather than pay for the whole package, right? Of course! Saves money, etc etc. Hmm. According to the site, regular retail for the full version is $1200, and the upgrade is $400. Ahh, but I'm a student, and can get the education pricing. Let's see... full version, $400, and upgrade ... huh. I don't see a price for the upgrade. I look around some more, and find nothing, so I decide to call customer service and find out if they have an education discount for the upgrade.

Note: The following transcript is paraphrased, and heavily expurgated in the interest of me not typing 14 minutes worth of boring crap.

*RING* Thank you for calling Adobe blah blah words. Your call will be answered something something. *RING* *RING*
Customer Service Rep [with strong Indian accent]: Hello, thank you for calling Adobe Customer Service, my name is Victor, may I have your customer number?
Me: I don't have a customer number, I'm just calling to ask a question about pricing.
Victor: Okay, and how can I help you?
Me: Right now I have the education version of Creative Suite 2, and I'm interested in upgrading to CS3. I'm wondering if there's an education discount for the upgrade.
Victor: Okay, before I can answer this, I need to create a record for you, so I will be creating a record now, okay?
[I give him my name, address, email address, DOB, SSN, TLA, IBM, LOL, and most recent sperm count. This requires me repeating a lot of things, and spelling out "3rd". Seriously. Then he gives me a customer number. I've been numerated! At last!]
Victor: Okay, and what can I help you with today sir?
Me: [repeats request, provides additional info such as: operating system, exact product I'm looking at (CS3 Design Standard), mother's maiden name, and US citizenship status.]
Victor: Okay, I am understanding that you have Creative Suite 2 Premium on Windows XP ... (he basically repeats back to me everything that I told him - I've noticed these Indian customer service reps do that - which is probably a good thing, because it verifies that he got the information right, but it's kind of annoying after the 2nd time.)
Me: Yes, and I want to know if there's a discount for educational purchases on the upgrade.
Victor: Okay, while I do research for this, I will put you on hold, okay? Please be on the line.
Me: (holding)
Victor: Okay, sir, I can give you good news, you want to upgrade [blah blah], and you can do that. So, is there anything else I can help you with today?
Me: I was wondering about the pricing --
Victor: Okay, the pricing for the upgrade is dollar three hundred ninety-nine, and for the full version it is dollar one thousand one hundred ninety-nine.
Me: Right, but is there an education discount on the upgrade?
Victor: I do not know that information, but I can transfer you to the sales where they would be the best place to give you that information. So please be on the line.
Me: (holding)
Sales guy (obviously American): Thank you for calling Adobe Sales, my name is Noah. Do you have a customer number?
Me: Yes I do. (tells him number)
Noah: And what can I do for you today?
Me: I currently have Creative Suite 2, which I bought through the university where I'm a student right now, and I am thinking about upgrading to CS3. And I see that the regular price for the upgrade is $399, and the educational pricing for the full product is also $399.
Noah with a bit of a chuckle: (says something about how silly that seems)
Me: I was wondering if there's an educational discount for the upgrade.
Noah: Unfortunately, we don't offer education pricing for the upgrade.
Me: Okay, that's all I needed to know. Thanks.
Noah: Thank you for calling Adobe, have a nice day.

So basically, in four seconds, the American guy was able to answer the question I couldn't get resolved in 14 minutes with the other guy.

My experience with Lenovo customer service was pretty much the same: Talk to someone in India for several minutes, get nowhere, get transferred to someone in the U.S., problems solved almost immediately. Also, there is a pattern of customer service being based in India, and sales being in the U.S. I guess this is because once they've got your money, you're screwed, and have to take whatever crappy service they dish out. But when you're a prospective customer, they want to give you an actual good experience with the company, so they have you deal with Americans. Jerks.

Bureaucratic asshattery, part XIV

2007-10-31T08:14:00.001-05:00

So peeved right now, just HAVE to post or brain will a splode.

I came in this a.m. to work in the computer lab, cuz I have a review this afternoon and need to get stuff finished. Lab should open at 8. Not for the first time, it didn't. I waited. About 8:05, I asked the other kid standing around if he was waiting for the lab too, & he said yes, so I went to the office of our Director of Technology to tell him.

His reaction: "Jenny must be running late." (I almost thought he was going to tell me to just go wait for her, but then he got out of his chair.)
Me: "This has happened before..."
Him: "Yes, but the lab has also opened early before. People have lives." (I don't remember his exact phrasing, but his overall tone was pretty dismissive.
Me: "Well, I have a life too, and work that needs to get done."

What annoyed me so much about this was his dismissive tone, and the apparent attitude that when they say the lab opens at 8 am, what they really mean is an average of 8 am. They need to clarify that, I think. Also, I'm pretty sure that if you worked in a real job, Jenny, "having a life" wouldn't cut it as a reason for repeated tardiness.

Worst. Directions. Ever. (Graphics edition!)

2007-10-29T08:22:00.000-05:00

In preparation for my new lappy, I'm checking out the bargain-priced Micro$~1 software available through the U. On the main page of the University Computer Services web site, I noticed the link "Where can I park at UCS?" The graphic they've put together to point out their parking spaces is hilarious. (I'll post it here, since who knows if it'll disappear after word gets around that the Lady with a Hat, Arbiter of eQuality, has dissed them.)

All your web sites are belong to us

2007-10-28T17:46:00.000-05:00

Way back in the day, when I was a surly, unmannered LVS at One BM, our documentation had to be translated into multiple foreign languages. We sent it off to the translation centers (one of which may or may not have had herpes), and waited for them to send the foreign-language versions back. (Sidebar: how would you outsource that? Would you have India do all the translations, or would you have the work done by college students studying the corresponding language?)

My understanding is that the bulk of the translation was done by computer programs that would flag problem areas for a real person to examine. This was a big reason we needed to be careful about word choices ("Execute the command," for example, might transl(iter)ate in unusual ways.)

Anyway, it looks like machine translation has not progressed much in the intervening years, as evidenced here. The Duisburg-Nord Landschaftspark is built on an old industrial site in Duisburg Nord, Germany. The designer (Peter Latz) took a unique approach to recycling filthy industrial urban land, and this park is one of my precedent studies for my capstone project. (Fun side note: The translated version of the park's official web site indicates that its size is 200 acres. In actual fact, it's 230 hectares, or just under 570 acres.)

Powerful new functionality in Adobe Acrobat

2007-10-27T11:01:00.000-05:00

Hey! Are you listening to me?

2007-10-25T10:26:00.001-05:00

Ever wonder if you're a boring/annoying person? Friend Mary points out this new technology targeted at autistic folk, but sure to be a boon for those of us suffering our own personal insecurities &c. I know one of my classmates could definitely do with some kind of feedback regarding her annoyance factor. On the other hand, about 80% of the time that I'm boring or irritating, I'm aware of it and ignore it, so this might not help me.

My fave line is: "When presented with fresh video clips, the software gets people's emotions right 90 per cent of the time when the clips are of actors, and 64 per cent of the time on footage of ordinary people."

What this tells me is that ordinary people are not adequately expressing their emotions, and that we need more training in how to do so in standardized ways.

At long, long last

2007-10-25T09:43:00.001-05:00

I got an email from the Lenovo indicating that my new lappy is in transit. It has left Shenzen, China. However, after viewing the shipment history for the jump drive that I received in reverse temporal order, I am hesitant to claim victory yet.

9/27 Billing info received
9/27 Departure scan; Shenzen, CN
9/27 Hub scan; Guangzhou, CN
9/27 "THE SHIPMENT IS BEING HELD BY BROKERAGE FOR REASONS BEYOND UPS' CONTROL"; Louisville, KY, US
9/28 Departure scan; Guangzhou, CN
9/28 Arrival/Departure scans; Incheon, KR
9/28 Arrival scan; Anchorage, AK, US
9/29 Departure scan; Anchorage, AK, US
10/2 "THE SHIPMENT IS BEING HELD BY BROKERAGE FOR REASONS BEYOND UPS' CONTROL / BROKERAGE RELEASED SHIPMENT. SHIPMENT IS SUBMITTED TO CLEARING AGENCY FOR FURTHER CLEARANCE," then: Import and Departure scans; Louisville, KY, US
10/2 Arrival/Departure scans; Minneapolis, MN, US
10/2 Arrival scan; Eagan, MN, US
10/3 Departure scan; Eagan, MN, US
10/3 Arrival, attempted delivery; Rochester, MN, US
10/4 2nd attempt; Rochester, MN, US
10/5 Successful delivery; Rochester, MN, US

I wonder if I should have specified something like, "Deliver after 4pm to avoid those annoying failed attempts." Ah well. I've waited this long, I can wait an extra couple days.

Poll results

2007-10-25T09:27:00.000-05:00

Q: Which of these most reliably conveys real events through audio-visual media?

A:
...Based on a true story: 2/13 (15%)
...Inspired by actual events: 1/13 (7%)
...Ripped from the headlines: 4/13 (30%)
...As seen on TV!: 1/13 (7%)
...BILLY MAYS!: 5/13 (38%)

TOTAL: 13/13 (97%)

I'm very disappointed to see that BILLY MAYS! had such a small margin of victory. I had fully expected BILLY MAYS! to take no less than 3/4 of the votes. I want you all to go to your room and think about what you've done, and we'll discuss this when your father gets home.

New poll will be out in the relatively near future. (Let's shoot for early next week, yes?)

New words I learn

2007-10-25T09:11:00.000-05:00

I this morning wanted to see if the term "plus one" is defined anywhere in its nounular form, as used in Doctor Who (series 1, ep 2) when the Doctor says, "See, it says right here: 'The Doctor Plus One.' I'm the Doctor, and this is Rose Tyler. She's my Plus One." For the CDes Halloween party, good friend M. will be my Plus One, hence the relevance of the topic.

I went to UrbanDictionary.com - not necessarily a scholarly resource, but fun to peruse on occasion, and saw the term "fives" in a use I'd not previously known. Definition 3 is my fave, because it illustrates growth in the meaning of the term:

Defines a claim or ownership of a certain item. Originally used to define such a claim for 5 minutes, but is now commonly interchanged with the word dibs.

The one bit lacking from this is the bit about how it originated as a way of claiming rights to a seat so that one can go use the loo, refresh one's drinky, or the that.

Oh, and I never did find a prior use of "plus one" as a noun phrase.

Tech update update

2007-10-24T20:38:00.001-05:00

Bizarre news on the wireless network in our studio. The hub they installed has improved signal strength and connectivity on the whole, but only when it isn't plugged in.

Reader response

2007-10-18T15:50:00.001-05:00

The unidentified lurker I mentioned in yesterday's post expressed displeasure with that appellation, and requested/demanded an apology/retraction. So, Jessica, here it is. With deepest regrets, you are offered provisional non-lurker status. To verify your status as a non-lurker, please click the comments link below and indicate your desire to be reclassified as not a lurker.

Time-displacement shipping

2007-10-18T11:35:00.001-05:00

I just got a note from Lenovo, the horrible company that I will never again order a product from, regarding my order. I ordered a laptop and, since the discount was good, a 2GB jump drive as well. I received the jump drive about two weeks ago, but last week noticed that its estimated shipping date was bumped back to 10/25 or something like that. The laptop, meanwhile, was pushed back to 10/29. There's been no update to the invoice since then.

The subject line of this morning's email is "Electronic Receipt for Invoice 6371498 -- shipped on 10/17/2007." I'm thinking, "Sweet! Finally they shipped the damn laptop."

Upon opening the note, however, I found that no, the item that was shipped yesterday was my jump drive. The one that is currently plugged in to this computer. Yeah, that one. It'll arrive in roughly 4 days via UPS. Well, 4 days or negative 2 weeks. Whichever.

Oh, wait:

It looks like it was delivered on the 5th. It's nice that Lenovo finally got me a tracking number for something I've had in my possession for two weeks. I wonder what happens if I click that "Quantum View" tab, and if that has anything to do with the temporal discrepancy.

I'm feeling a strong urge to cancel the order now just out of spite. At the very least I should call and bitch at them some more. But then I might get stuck on another committee.

New instructor characterizes student perfectly

2007-10-18T09:51:00.001-05:00

Okay, okay - Has anyone yet coined the term "blogorrhea"? If not, I hereby do. But this I just HAD to share.

===
EDIT: Apparently, "yes": this page provides a much more satisfactory definition than Urban Dictionary
===

My metro design seminar is being taught by a relatively recent graduate of the MLA/MURP program here at the U, although he's roughly my age or maybe a little older. He's pretty cool, and the coolometer just spiked when I received a note about the projects we're presenting starting tomorrow.

We will be presenting to a mock planning commission, acting the role of planning staff. We review a project against subdivision and zoning ordinances, and then make a recommendation (approve, approve with conditions, deny).

So the instructor sent a note about the presentations, and added:

In order to make the mock planning commission meetings a little more interesting and hopefully fun, I created a character or role for each of you to play.

Here's mine:

Brain Fewell – local realtor known for pushing “affordable” housing, but has a second home in the penthouse on the top floor of the Carlisle in downtown Minneapolis. His penchant for living high is legendary and there have been rumors that his life style has exceeded his earnings due to the on-going housing slump. As any new development represents new sales commissions, Brian has never seen any project he doesn’t like and is ready to approve anything regardless of planning staff concerns. No apparent criminal record, at least as far as anyone knows.

I can't freakin' wait!

===
EDIT: One of my classmate's descriptions starts with "Drawn to the city for the watersports, ..."
===

Tech update

2007-10-18T09:48:00.001-05:00

We have a wireless hub in our studio! WOOT!
Also, a few minutes ago the "mean girl" who's in charge of the computer lab came down here & replaced the 4 missing mice in this lab! WOOT!

It dawned on me ...

2007-10-18T09:39:00.000-05:00

Oh, that was my ponderable: This "Age of Aquarius" thing. If the Piscean Age correlates strongly with the rise of Christianity, which is symbolized by the fish, what characteristics might one expect in an age characterized by the water-bearer? What does water "mean"? Rising seas, environmental issues, lots of urination? While I don't believe in the legitimacy of astrology as a "way of knowing" - I am, after all, a product of my culture and environment, and we are still living in a society dominated by Enlightenment principles that value human reason and our ability to know the world through empirical means. But cultural phenomena based in superstition fascinate me. While the mythologies of the Greeks and Romans are mere stories to us now, they left a rich literary and artistic legacy that we can still appreciate. The mythology of Christianity still clings, unfortunately, and disgusts me in its application, but I love the architectural heritage, and just last night I listened to Mozart's Requiem again. Simply amazing, yes. So umm... I don't remember where I was going - oh yeah - So, I wonder about that whole Aquarian thing. Ya know. As I do.

Randomness

2007-10-18T09:19:00.000-05:00

The "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks made the Blogs of Note list today! This is far more exciting to me than it ought to be. Or rather, it is "far" more "exciting" to me than it "ought" to "be." iscanbe. Money.

I was contemplating something on the way over here this morning, something that was a "ponderable" or a "musing," (not to be confused with "amusing," though the two characteristics might intersect at times, and share ancestry), and it's completely gone now. One imagines it was something about school, or cities, or something else that's been on my mind a lot of late.

One of my classmates has passed out blank CDs to the rest of us with the request that we burn her a disc of our favorite music. While I presently lack the technology, I've started a list (every time I hear a song that I want to include, I write it down), and after the first few days, I had to get a 2nd disc from her. I might need to snag a couple more before this little side project is finished - which might not even happen until Christmas break.

I saw that billboard again this morning that says "Embryos are just tiny babies!" All I can think when I see that is "and you can sprinkle them on salads or breakfast cereal, just like Bacon Bits(TM)!"

I was thinking the other day about making a bumper sticker that says "Jesus Loves You - Unless You're Black or Gay." I don't think I'd put it on my car though....

Long time no post

2007-10-17T09:46:00.001-05:00

I've gotten razzed by a lurker recently about not posting for nearly 2 weeks, so I figured it's time to drop a quick update.

In the past couple of weeks, I've changed my capstone project twice (and then changed it back). I've also bitched to administration at the departmental, college, and university levels, as well as to a handful of related organizations (the Council of Graduate Students (COGS), the Graduate and Professional Student Association (GAPSA), the Board of Regents) about unresolved issues in my department and the College of Design (CDes). The Dean of the college tried to cow me by invoking the abstraction of "the profession," and it was insinuated that I was "not going to be anyone's favorite person." Those responses, I think, are rooted in a misapprehension of my intentions. I'm not interested in these people being my friends - I'm interested in them doing their jobs.

Yesterday (Tues) I had a meeting with the Dean and the Director of Technology for CDes. My Director of Graduate Studies (DGS) was also there, as was one other LA student. The outcome? Well, the wireless situation in our studio will be resolved by the College at its own expense, since the organization that manages the campus network doesn't give a flying shit about students, and isn't interested in doing anything to provide service prior to upgrading the entire campus network. Nice, that. I wish I could just defer my coursework for several months too. I believe the word "assclowns" is appropriate here.

A huge issue in our department (and somewhat at the college level as well) is the poor dissemination of information from administration to students. Obviously, it's a two-way street - they need to make info available, and we need to take responsibility for accessing the info. The problem is that there is no clearly defined route for information dispersal. Amongst their methods are such elements as: a blog that I can't find, dozens of emails about everything from internships in Florida to guest speakers, signs posted in the computer lab indicating which printers are currently unavailable, the CDes lab web site, bulletin boards, and student mailboxes. My proposal was that each studio have a "studio rep" who meets with their department head on a regular basis (LA already has this - can guess who the rep is for my studio?), and that that person not only brings up concerns from studio ("the trash doesn't get emptied," and "mice ate my project") but also receives information from the department head and disperses it to their studio-mates. It gives that person more responsibility, but I think it's a good compromise.

And as a person who loves responsibility, I am happy to take on that in addition to now being our department's rep to the COGS and our newly-appointed student rep to the University's technology committee. Yeah, I got that one too. The COGS thing shouldn't be too bad - a couple hours once a month for a meeting that includes free food. The technology committee thing? Who knows - but looks good on a resume, right? "Please give me a job. I like to bitch about stuff and then get put on committees."

Is there a word that describes the experience or sensation of becoming what you most despise, or for the fear of becoming that thing?

REALLLY offensive jokes.

2007-10-05T11:16:00.001-05:00

Seriously. I refuse, categorically RE-FYOOOZ to accept any bitching from anyone who highlights the punchlines and doesn't like what they see.

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?
Because if your name was "NNNGGAAAAAAAH," you'd run away too.

What's better than winning the gold medal at Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.

College newspapers are (still) funny

2007-10-04T15:41:00.001-05:00

In the "Oxymoronic Idealism" section today, "600 fast for hunger relief." I never thought of not-eating as an effective means of relieving hunger, but I guess I'm not a college student who enjoys pointless acts intended to raise awareness. I'm more the type who'd like to DO something about my hunger, so I typically just pop down to the vend-o-mat and grab a candy bar & a soda.

In the "You tattooed your WHAT!?" department: "Students getting tattooed on the rise." I can only assume that the word "rise" is a newfangled slang reference to a body part, since I don't know of any areas of campus referred to by that term - though I imagine The Knoll comes close. Then too, I've never seen any tattooing going on there.

If I had more time, I'd actually open the paper and find more craziness to document. Regretfully, I have to get this report written for my 9:05 class tomorrow morning. (Yes, they offer a semester-long class on the subject of 9:05. Really!)

Oh great, now all the supervillains know his weakness

2007-10-04T09:41:00.001-05:00

How a breast becomes a law ...

2007-10-04T09:04:00.000-05:00

bill becomes a nipple... legislation.

The Strib has a little "Have you heard?" box on the front of each day's paper, with snippets of recent news items. Today, the 2nd one reads, "Ohio state Rep. Matthew Barrett was giving a high school civics lesson when his memory stick revealed the image of a topless woman instead of his presentation on how a bill becomes law." Maybe he was going to be giving a presentation in Ms. Gymcoach's health class later that day, and just got them mixed up?

It doesn't tell us whether he's a Rebulitard or a Dummycrap - any guesses? The way these things usually go, I'm inclined to guess his name is followed by an (R), but really, it could go either way.... let's find out!

[Muzak version of the Rolling Stones' It's Only Rock 'N' Roll (But I Like It) plays while I search for more info]

The AP has a story that indicates (1) he's a Democrat and (2) (here's the real surprise) he has "no idea where these [images] came from." Of course he doesn't. How could he know what's on a portable memory device that contains a presentation he's going to give to a class of high school kids?

The obvious lesson here is that you should never accept gifts from legislative liaison from the state Library of Ohio.

Het honey, let's go hu---ummm...

2007-09-30T18:02:00.000-05:00

I just need the headboard, thanks. (A classmate found this while looking for a bed.)

Poll results (at last!)

2007-09-30T08:58:00.000-05:00

Previous poll:

Q: I have lost all respect for:
A:
... Midgets (1/10, 10%)
... Superman (2/10, 20%)
... Authority figures in general (1/10, 10%)
... The Bayeux Tapestry (2/10, 20%)
... Something that I used to respect (5/10, 50%)
... Vertebrates (2/10, 20%)
... Your mom (3/10, 30%)

Total: 16/10, 160%

Check out the new poll!

Hey honey, let's go hunting!

2007-09-30T08:55:00.000-05:00

Camouflage Lingerie & Swimwear. Yes, really.

Random silliness and other updates

2007-09-24T18:42:00.000-05:00

My lappy died last week. It's still under warranty for a few more months, but blah blah words, I'm replacing it. We'll ship it in & see if they can fix it, & if so, then Ben has a lappy too. Yay! The sad part is that despite my vehement exhortations that I would never buy another Windows box, I can't afford right now to (a) buy a Mac and (b) buy Mac versions of the software I need for school. So I'm trapped in Windows land again. This makes me grrr. But so what? How does this affect you, the reader? I'll have limited access to the Internets until my new lappy arrives, and so will not post as often. The result is that you will need to find another way to spend your hard-earned Internets time.

Random fun notes:
An issue of the Minnesota Daily last week included a story about a first-year student (18 or 19 yrs old) who last spring (1) went to a party, (2) was served alcohol by a 20-year-old student, (3) become very intoxicated (0.31% blood-alcohol level), (4) left the party, and (5) fell to his death from a parking structure. All tragic & shit, but my favorite part is the end of the story, where the UMPD's chief is quoted as saying, "A death like this can have life-changing effects."

In today's Daily, a front page story about sports injuries includes this gem from Jennifer Kearns, associate director of NCAA public relations: "It could be a temporary condition or it could be, in some cases, a permanent condition." Really. It could be either one of those. So, y'know.

odds 'ñ' ends, cont.

2007-09-19T18:25:00.000-05:00

(here's that thing i remembered)

... Ad heard on the radio: "Attention piano buyers: If you're thinking of buying a piano...."

Also, remember that thing I said a few days ago about undergrads? High school girls are worse by several orders of magnitude.

Bizarro world

2007-09-19T14:51:00.000-05:00

I just looked at Lady With A Hat in Internet Exploder. It hurts me to say this, but I actually like the appearance better in IE than in Firefox. There's just something about the way the font is rendered that is nicer. Here's a visual, to save you the trouble of loading the page in both browsers.

Firefox:

Interxploder:

Call Alanis

2007-09-19T14:32:00.000-05:00

One of my classmates has a tendency to talk. And talk. And to keep talking, and talking, and talking. And she doesn't really have anything to say, but just has to keep talking. She can tell you about how she had trouble parking her car, and that will lead her to talk about her boyfriend, and then she'll talk about a random medical procedure, and her drawing class, and a pair of shoes that's really uncomfortable.

Today, she came into our studio and said she'd called to get cable installed at her apartment. And the cable guy wouldn't stop talking. It took her 20 minutes to get off the phone, because he just kept talking.

Fortunately, I didn't have to leave the room, since everyone else was laughing too.

odds 'ñ' ends

2007-09-19T10:49:00.000-05:00

...Today on the campus shuttle I saw something that I'm still trying to process. A fairly heavy person of indeterminate sex (probably female, so I'll use the feminine pronouns, but I'm not certain) stepped onto the bus. Her hair was buzzed on the sides, and the top was short - between 1 & 2 inches - and bleached to a yellower shade of blond. She might have been pierced, but if so it was only moderate. Maybe a nose ring or something - nothing outrageous. To complete this picture, dress her in standard college student garb - jeans, t-shirts in layers, sneakers. Make the t-shirt Coke-red with the words "Chick magnet" in black, accompanied by a cartoon drawing of a bespectacled, scrawny nerd, shirtless and flexing. I still don't know what it means. It may well keep me awake for a night or two.

...[I can't remember this item... if I do, I'll write it down so I can share it later.]

...From Heloise, she of the Helpful Hint, two tidbits (from the Strib, 9/17/07):

Plastic Grocery Bags
Dear Heloise: Please let your readers know that plastic grocery bags can be used at inner-city churches that have food pantries and clothing for the needy. I also take my bags to area nursing-home residents. SUE, via e-mail
For what? So they can tie one over their head and end their suffering? Or maybe the eccentric ones like to store things like their toenail clippings and feces.

Sound off
Dear Heloise: I refuse to use the "self checkouts" in grocery stores! Why should I pay the same price for my groceries, doing all the work myself, as the next person, who gets service? Give me at least 10 percent off my total grocery bill, and I might think about doing it myself. I know I am not the only one who thinks this way. BOB in Texas
Well, Bob, I'm not sure what to do with your helpful hint, but here's a couple of other things that might get you riled up: The newspaper used to cost a penny, and you still had change to buy a phosphate at the local malt shop! Plus, young people use curse words! And the whippersnappers have the gall to congregate in public places! When I was your age, computers used punch cards! You don't even know what those are!

Technology is starting to piss me off

2007-09-18T11:53:00.000-05:00

First, it's shitty wireless access in the studio, which is not going to be repaired, apparently. Or, if it is, it's being repaired at the speed of administration (rather than the speed of business). In other words, it might be fixed by the time I die.

Then I lose my effing phone. It's been found, but it's still a pain in the ass.

Today, I scanned several maps over at the map library, and stored the images on my USB jump drive. I came to studio, and tried to (1) copy them to my laptop and (2) move some files to the jump drive so I could walk down three flights of stairs and print them.

I get a message that says, "This drive is full" or some shit. I hit OK. It's the last I see of my jump drive. The thing couldn't be found by any computer I tried it on. I had hoped that smashing it would bring some small satisfaction, but it turned out to be much harder than expected, and the effort involved negated any enjoyment I might have gotten from it.

I now need to go spend another hour at the map library, relocating the maps and scanning them again. I also had a bunch of other stuff on the drive, but I'm not sure what. I can only hope that it was all duplicated elsewhere. If not - well, as evidenced earlier this summer, 2007 is the year of irrecoverably lost information.

Rock, paper, scissors, dynamite, tornado, cockroach, quicksand, law, peace, snake, ...

2007-09-16T21:21:00.000-05:00

Ahh, the old game of Rock-Paper-Scissors... perfect for making those tough life decisions: Who's going to make dinner? Whose turn is it to ask for an abortion? Which person gets a new desk? But what if we threw a couple more choices in there?

RPS-25 was created to provide a more complex game with more possible outcomes. Each item is dominant over 12 others, and the result is 300 possible outcomes. But why stop there? The inventor of RPS-25 took things 76 steps further & gave us RPS-101. Each gesture defeats 50 of the remaining 100, the result being a total of 5,050 possible outcomes.

Some of my favorites:
DYNAMITE explodes BABY (actually, DYNAMITE explodes a lot of stuff....)
SPIDER in your BEER
BEER diffracts LASER
MATH confuses PRINCESS
MATH enrages MONKEY
SCISSORS alert AIRPLANE security
and any of the BRAIN ones....
BRAIN invents BUTTER
....... foils VAMPIRE
....... performs MATH

Climate change

2007-09-14T16:53:00.000-05:00

I know that it's happening, but some of these manifestations are odd, to say the least. Thursday's Strib offered this forecast for the morning: "53° Light jackets, a few clouds."

Screw the world - Jeebus is coming back soon!

2007-09-13T15:53:00.000-05:00

"End Times" Theology Endangers Us All

I've believed this for a long time, but haven't taken the time to express it so clearly.

HoTT T33n GurrrlZ 4 SALE!!!111

2007-09-13T15:43:00.000-05:00

By way of Julie: Marry Our Daughter, a site for people interested in selling their teenage daughters into arranged marriages, per the Biblical tradition of treating women as property.

**ADULT LANGUAGE WARNING**

I have trouble believing this this is real. It's got to be a joke. Then again, they seem pretty serious about it, and are quick to point out that the concept of a "Bride Price" is in the bible, and therefore protected as a religious thing. I have to ask, do Americans have any inalienable rights that trump religious beliefs? I mean, if my religion tells me to go out and slaughter 2 children on every full moon, then collect all the corpses in a giant freezer, and have a festival of necrophiliac sodomy on the Winter Solstice, does that make it okay?

On the other hand, this makes me reconsider my opposition to having kids.

***UPDATED: It is, in fact, a hoax.***

Suck it Jesus

2007-09-13T15:30:00.000-05:00

SuckItJesus.com was set up as a petition to prevent the censorship of Kathy Griffin's Emmy acceptance speech.

In her speech, Griffin said that "a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus." She went on to hold up her Emmy, make an off-color remark about Christ and proclaim, "Suck It, Jesus. This award is my god now!"

Needless to say, idiot Christians, unable to cope with the fact that not everyone agrees with them, are flipping out. This is the same type of bullshit that the Muslims pulled back when that Dutch newspaper printed cartoons they didn't like. While this event is unlikely to spark physical violence the way the cartoons did (face it, Islam, as practiced and as represented, is a more violent religion than Christianity - abortion clinic murders notwithstanding), the same sense of entitlement to respect drives both of these misguided systems (as they are currently practiced). Here's some advice for all you religious nutbags out there: GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELVES. First, "you" never seem to have trouble saying things that you know will annoy/frustrate/offend other people, and are eager to protect your freedom of religion and speech to say whatever you want about those people (the gays, for example - who, incidentally, constitute a large segment of Ms. Griffin's fanbase, and whom God hates, according to some). Second, your cows are "mighty good on a bun," and I'll eat them if I want to.